He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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