and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
