i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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