I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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