You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
