i would punch a child for taco bell
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
