i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
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You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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