Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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