You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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