He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
