when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
