remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
