My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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