D3 body, D1 cock
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house