dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
