Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
