I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
