I accidentally burped into my bong.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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