I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
