the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The beer is more important than you right now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
