I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
