I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
