why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize