so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
