apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i need some magic done to my vagina
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
