Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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