A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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