I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
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I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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