I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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