I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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