Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
