the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
