Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
