There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
