I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
