The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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