I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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