Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
