dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have feelings that need drinking.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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