Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
