remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
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It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There are leaves in my underwear?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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