you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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