Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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