you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
