I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
