I skipped work to stalk him.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
