I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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