i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
