You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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