Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
