Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
