We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
