I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
