someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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