Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
