She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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