I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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