new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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