you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
