I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
