McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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