please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
