my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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