false alarm. still invincible.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
this hospital has no fireball
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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