Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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